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writing my heart out about living from our hearts

More Writing About My Writing

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This is the last of my journally vacation posts.  It was supposed to publish last Friday, but it didn’t, so I’m putting it up for today.

More and more, this blog has become a workshop for me.  I want to work on, improve and showcase my writing.  These explorations are meant to encourage you, my reader and offer small helps if you wish to try this writing life.  This is my space to explore ideas of interest and rant a little about the hills and potholes in my life.  My story changes daily, so I don’t expect my blog to be static.  Readers will always find new roads to wander here.  Here is a stream of consciousness from my journal about my ideas for this blog.
I started writing again after a long period away.

The years that progressively darkened my marriage were also years where i would not write or journal.  If there’s a connection between self-expression and growth, and I can’t see how there isn’t, then I’m on board.  In the shock of separation, I had to start journalling just to capture my swirling thoughts, offer my mind someplace to rest.  My journals and this blog gave my a respite from the hurricane of real life.  This blog has been a place to

  • get my thoughts together, look around and make a mental and physical inventory.
  • to look around at this new life I have to live and decide who I am and what I belive.
  • build my reserves back, fill my soul again and grow stronger.
  • come up with some kind of road map to take action from.

Beneath this desire to write is the undercurrent of my dreams.  I want to build something sustainable here, a connection to the world and communication with like-minded travelers.  I want to make writing my business and use it to be closer to my family.  I want  to live by my own lights and have enough light to pass around.  I want to be happy and I want to prosper.  I want time and means to share with those I love most.  This is a time of planning, gathering information.  It is my hope that my strength will be renewed and will carry me through to a positive outcome.  This blog is here to share what I’ve learned.  This is the song my muses are singing.  I hope they are muses, I’m in no mood for sirens.

I get impatient when I’m left alone with my thoughts.  I feel the urge to push myself, but I know it’s too soon.  There’s more than financial success at stake, this is it, my chance to do something and make something.  I am learning to define love as more than a prescribed set of movements.  This is whole heart work.  The love  I make needs to be made now.  Maybe I’m judging myself too harshly, but I feel it’s necessary, I didn’t take action for so long, and action was taken for me.  I see my path clearly now like I never did before.  If I am to redeem the time at all, (and I have nothing but redemption on my mind,) this is where I feel it will happen.  I don’t know how else to put it, but there’s karma afoot here, for better or worse.

I am consciously wooing two hearts right now.  Everyday my heart calls out to the one I love, but I am also putting the moves on myself.  Learning to treat myself with love is new, but a relationship I am committed to and one I hope others will be interested in.  Each act of love is a seed planted.  Every lingering smile over kindness to yourself is water to the soil.  It can be a tightrope for someone who veers toward excesses, but learning to be kind to myself without falling into narcissism is a habit that will spawn other healthy trends in my life.  And can be a foundation to build the rest of my life on.

So welcome to the blog.  I have a lot to learn, and I have much to share.  I hope this will be a warm place of love and light where we can all talk and listen and hear and be heard.

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Written by Shannon Udell

August 23, 2010 at 5:00 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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