Things are lovely…repeat as necessary.

writing my heart out about living from our hearts

My Liminal Brain

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This writing comes out of one of my in-between moods.  Every day I work hard to get my footing in my new life. I struggle to understand the fears that I have allowed to run my life for so long and then to process those feelings and move past them.  After getting to each new layer of realization, I have to spend a few days deliberately not feeling guilt and shame.  That woman, that old life is in the past and there’s no point in yelling at a shadow.

Always, I’m looking at new ways I can move forward.  I plan to soon be brushing up on office skills and I work every day to improve my writing.  Thinking of careers is something I haven’t done in a long time.  It’s a new feeling.  Another new experience for me was getting my own auto insurance and taking that burden off of Scott.  I imagine there are plenty of readers out there giving themselves the old head-slap and “really?!”  Just remember, I moved out of my parent’s home the day I married Scott.  I’ve just ever done that stuff.

My pace these days is a cluster of forward moving actions followed by periods where I have to wait (!) for my next step.  I act.  I plan.  I wait.  I stand where I am, itching to get to the place I want to be.  I’ve been listening to a lot of the music of Arcade Fire and am inspired at the idea of creating whole lives out of destruction and chaos.  There’s a lot of hope for me in that theme.

This is what it’s like to be in my head these days, stops and starts, song snippets and fond thoughts of my dearest love.

With the exception of Wednesday’s post which I am pre-writing, all my posts for the next 9-10 days will be bits and oddments from my journals.  They’ll be raw, barely edited thoughts I wished to see out in the open.  They are from the last two months and may or may not reflect my feelings on the subject now.

Let me know what you think about them as I might try to flesh some of them out in later days.  Have a lovely week, Shannon.

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Written by Shannon Udell

August 9, 2010 at 5:00 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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