Things are lovely…repeat as necessary.

writing my heart out about living from our hearts


with 2 comments

I have been feeling emotional the last couple of days where I really haven’t been before.  Chalk it up to forgetting my meds or skipping a meal or going a little further in yoga.  Yoga can be a killer sometimes.  There are parts of my body so locked up right now and yoga just brings a bunch of feelings out that I forgot were there.

There is also this visit I’m having with my family right now.  I’m excited to see my girls, nervous over getting a crown put in my mouth, afraid to be hammering out details of this separation and sick to my stomach at the idea of  being around Scott instead of being with him.

So I work hard to practice detachment. It’s basically the idea of letting go my talon grip on people or things (as well as my ideas of people or things) so they can be free to be what they are and I can be me.  My life has so long been ruled by the things I want and the way I want them.  It’s the story of all my fears and the way I become overly controlling as a way of easing those fears.

What does detachment look like? It means I would find my favorite coffee cup pleasing and useful, but be able to let it go without a thought if it fell and broke.  I means if we are in love, we walk together and sit by side through life, but I do not try to influence your movements or see you only as how you benefit me.

When I focus on my goals, I work diligently at each task as it comes up, but let go of any certain outcome.  I want to earn my money from this blog and my writing, and I am following each step leading me toward that, but I know that things may turn out differently.  My work and writing could turn into something else that is beyond what I hoped.  If I can only see one projected outcome, I’ve closed my mind to anything else.

How on earth does that work? That is still my question every day.  For me, I meditate a lot.  I sit for 20 minutes when I can, or work it into my walks or just before and after sleeping.  I let my thoughts slip by until there is actually space between them.  I breathe and whisper a mantra or intention or prayer in time with my breathing.  Yoga also calms me and helps me find the quiet and an expanded vision of my own little thoughts.  I seek first the kingdom. I let go and let God.

Do I have it down? Hardly, three months does not a master make.  Is it helping?  Tremendously.  Two of my favorite mantras are, “I forgive you,” and “That is not mine.”  I whisper them gently to any thoughts that comes up whether the thought is about Scott or an itchy toe.  The thoughts get the point and shuffle away.  The muscle builds and when I feel a moment of sadness or the old panic arise I calmly whisper to those feelings, “I forgive you.  You are not mine.”

I feel stronger and I want to make better, healthier choices for myself.  More on that Thursday.  What I’d love to know is what keeps you grounded?  Do you have a method that works for snapping you out of your frightened places?  Please share in the comments.


Written by Shannon Udell

August 3, 2010 at 5:00 am

Posted in Uncategorized

2 Responses

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  1. The best way that I have found to get through difficult times, and it has come to me late, is to relinquish control of my life to a higher power. (As if I ever had control of my life!) When I was diagnosed with cancer I said,”I can’t do this alone, Lord – you take over. You are stronger than the cancer and stronger than anything that I will have to go through and I will hold on to that strength.” This has seen me through surgery and six months of chemo without the slightest fear or anxiety. I have been completely calm through the whole process and am certain that I am cured and will come out of this healthier and happier than I was before because of what I have learned about myself. Letting go of control is very difficult and no one knows that better than I but it is the only way to free yourself. You need to get out of your own way.

    Auntie C.

    August 4, 2010 at 7:10 am

    • Funny how the things that are hardest to let go of are the things we never really “have.”

      Shannon Udell

      August 6, 2010 at 11:55 am

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