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writing my heart out about living from our hearts

Are We There Yet? Being Comfortable with Being Imperfect

with 3 comments

Ok, I’m ready for everything to be happening now.

NOW.

And it won’t and that is why my stomach feels the way it does all the time.  Impatience is a lot of what led me to all the quick surface fixes that took me down in the first place, but sitting and allowing things to just unfold seems so counter-productive.  Yes, I should be walking and journaling and meditating.  These are the things that will bring healing to my heart and soul and mind.  Yes, I should be consciously getting my finances together, but I can’t force anything to move faster than it is.

This is obviously my incubation time. No matter how much I want to stand up and show how together I am, I’m not.  So I sit with it.  My blog has few posts and about the same amount of readers.  My search for an identity beyond Uber-mom has stalled out at realizing I actually need an identity.  Work will come when it comes, and I probably need to get past the place of spontaneous tear-fests anyway.

It’s chop wood, carry water time, folks.

And I can do it. I suppose my first lesson is to sit around being imperfect.  It isn’t a safe feeling, but it’s a good one.  Imperfect.  I don’t have the answers, heck, I don’t have a clue.  But if I start with my imperfection, I have that to work with at least.

  • If I am imperfect, I probably won’t feel other people’s expectations on me.  I won’t lay any expectations on myself either.  I can probably just walk around and “be” and see what that looks like.
  • The shock of separation shook a lot of rotten crap out of my tree and I was fine in letting it go.  Not only did I throw away tons of stuff that was so stinking important just hours before, ideas and values that I thought were special to me just slipped away.  I don’t miss any of it.  Now I can sit and survey what’s left and see how my remaining dreams and beliefs fit into this new life of mine.
  • Thank goodness I already express myself well in writing.  I can use my journal to visualize new projects, thoughts, even little ideas.  Most will possibly fizzle on the page, but one or two might light up my thoughts and spark into real life.
  • Then my journal will be great when I need to record my feelings about what I’m doing, what I’ve done.

Who knows, by the time things finally start happening around here, I will be ready for it all.

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Written by Shannon Udell

July 14, 2010 at 11:55 am

Posted in Uncategorized

3 Responses

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  1. […] a comment » Read my post Are We There Yet? Being Comfortable with Being Imperfect over at Maybe A Year for how to let imperfection be your […]

  2. I hear you and I feel you. And because of that, I know there are no words I can say or write that will make any of it any easier. Even still, I sit here trying to think of them… I hear you, I feel you, I love you and I support you. You will come out the other side unlike what you imagined, but so much more.

    Heather Williamson

    July 14, 2010 at 6:01 pm

  3. Heather, it is a blessing to know you, and your words are exactly what I needed.

    Shannon Udell

    July 15, 2010 at 1:43 am


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