Things are lovely…repeat as necessary.

writing my heart out about living from our hearts

Too Many Feelings, Not Enough Words

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It’s like a sci-fi movie.  The heroine is skipping along joyfully in her lovely world when, oopsie! she falls and hits her head.  The injury and actual fact that she could fall at all is traumatic enough, but that’s not the worst part.  Our heroine sits up, holding her head gingerly, and looks around to realize, gasp! that her lovely world is not what she thought at all.  Her vision, jarred or cleared, is different and the things she thought were solid in her world are not.  The things she thought were safe are not.  Worse yet she is a) not the center of this world and b) not not not in control of it.  That’s what it’s like.

My girl and I were down to the Walmarts picking up some Advils and some girly things and for shitz and giggles checked our blood pressure at the pharmacy.  Of course, I did not expect an accurate reading, but I did not expect 171/98.  I drove right on home and called the doc and yes, I have smokin’ high blood pressure.  (‘Cept I don’t smoke.)  So now I’m on meds for that as well as for the anemia.  Doc used the term, transfusion.  I don’t want that.  You tell me, how do I have high blood pressure and no actual blood?

As far as things go, there are folks in the world, in my immediate blood line, in my neighborhood with worse problems,  but I am fond of being alive and would like to continue on that way for a while.  This is the “Silent F-ing Killer” docs love to threaten us with and here it is looking me back in the face every morning.  The reasons are not unusual: diet, exercise, stress, heredity.  All but one of those is immediately fixable, the other I wouldn’t choose to anyway.  “Environment” is a big catch-all word to encompass all of that.  Environment is that lovely little world that I thought was one thing, but is not.  Really, that is what my life is all about right now.

Our heroine can see now that what she thought was seemless and lovely is really broken and glamourized.  She picks up one piece and scrutinizes it.  Is it lovely?  No.  Can it be saved?  No.  She throws it as far away as possible and picks up another.  It is not lovely, but can maybe be saved, the question is, how?

Please bear with me while I sort this all out.  Read along, comment, criticize, laugh.  Look around at your bits and for goodness sake, go get your blood pressure checked, because you never stinkin’ know.


Written by Shannon Udell

May 30, 2010 at 8:20 am

Posted in living

Tagged with , ,

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